Practice makes perfect.

I'm contemplating having a nap - but it's almost half past eight.... no point.  Might as well just head to bed and call it a day.  I stayed up WAY too late last night.  I didn't realize it was so late when I finally hit the pillow. 

Drew and I went to a movie last night, Sherlock Holmes.  On much better terms than the last time we saw a movie (Avatar - in 3D!!).  Needless to say we worked it out.  I'm apprehensive, but so is he.  We are being very cautious this time, and making sure we look for all signals of when things go bad so we can fix it.  It feels different.  I'm not sure how to describe it.... "taken down a few pegs" is what comes to mind, but even then... I'm not sure that is even it at all...  When I look at Drew, there is a different feeling for him.  Right down to the way I love him is different.  I still love him, but his eyes say something back to me that isn't familiar.  Kissing him is different.  I'm not so hopeless anymore, like I'd die without him around me.  And it's not that I ever thought that way before but I do think my feelings really got ahead of me and lead everyone around me to believe that was the case - including Drew.  That's why I had to but the breaks on and take a step back... everything just had to catch up. 


Drew mentioned something to me about my behavior and it really kind of hit... and especially with all the talking I've done lately about what's going on in my life and what I think about it and where I'm going.  It's exhausting and I think I'm done talking about it all openly for a while... Time for some self reflection.  Anyway... yeah, he said he wasn't going to force me to act upon doing anything about it, but it never crossed my mind that it was any kind of problem.  I mean, my whole damn family acts and reacts like that so no wonder I think it's acceptable behaviour... (Of course you have no idea what I'm talking about - that's just for me to know and for you to mind your own goddamned business)  Hmmmm, but it really has me thinking.  I don't want to be ashamed of myself, I don't want to regret anything I have ever done.  Instead I think what needs to happen is deeper reflection.  I don't regret anything because there is always a valuable lesson to take away from all your life experiences.  But I think I have been neglecting to take things to heart.  And that in turn really has turned me cold.  I just did stuff without even thinking, I was on autopilot and trying to catch up all at the same time.  My settings and dials were all crossed and mixed up.  But it's funny - like a light just went on and I'm resetting and getting back on the right path....

Anyway... best thing about all of this though - rekindling = amazing sex life

Hah, no, that's not the best, just knowing that I have a loving partner again is the best. And even though we have already hit some obstacles, we are doing what it takes to get it right - no more trying - just doing.  And we just keep tackling it from all angles in hopes that we get it right.  Practice makes perfect - or pretty damn close.  And I'm happy.  Happy.  Period.