Happy New Year

It just kinda came and hit me.

2009 IS OVER... and thank goodness too because a lot of shitty things happened from my last post to now. And instead of ranting about how bad it was and how hurt I was and blah blah blah, I'm going to keep it to myself. Its OVER....

I'm excited to just forget it all... well, maybe not forget per-say, but more so just put it all behind me. Its over and done with and there is nothing I can do to change what has happened. I want to look to the future now, with a smile on my face to boot. I told Cat on New Year's Eve "The only person who is going to make it an enjoyable night is yourself..." I should eat my words. But there is a stronger message there than just a way to ensure a crazy awesome night. I am the only person who can make this better - this meaning my life. This is my year to be positive and creative and happy and fruitful. I have endured a not-so-great year so I want to make sure that this next one is one that I can rave about instead of complain about. Being so negative is not only being a downer on myself, but those around me. I want to be more considerate. I want to be remembered for more than just a grumpy face. I want people to think, "yeah... she had it all figured out". And even if I don't, I want it to seem that I was overall happy - and really meant it this time. If anything, I want to look back on 2009 and think of it as the year that I made all the mistakes, took all the wrong turns and most importantly that I learned something from it all. So in the end, as "bad" as it may have been, it might just as well have been the most enriching year of my life - because I will know more than ever which direction to head and what to avoid.

I feel very inspired and productive today and over the few new days of the year:
School is almost over for me, I'm now down to one class a week. I will have more time to nurture my creative side, get back in touch with my roots. I'm excited to indulge in my beads once I get them over to my house. The last of the bits that are at Drew's place. It took a long time to get here, but I'm finally here and I'm going to hit this one head on. I did my homework today, I searched for a job, I applied for a credit card, I updated my etsy account so that I can apply to sell things, I did some research about selling things online, I corresponded with my first international customer (got the cheque in the mail today - so happy!!), I declined getting involved with something, I removed an additional 50 items from my wardrobe (the first time was when I moved in and threw out and removed about 30 items) and I'm still looking at ways to nix my tendency to hoard things. I deactivated my facebook account temporarily - it's too distracting and laying low right now is comfortable. I did 100 crunches and did the dishes. I didn't call Drew once today at work, we did chat online a bit, but I think its a good start to putting some healthy space between us. We are not going to "try" to make things better anymore, we are just going to do it.

In the end, I think things had to go so sour in every direction of my life so that I could appreciate the good times that I did have and have something to strive for.... I know, people told me this would happen. That things would look up and what not. But when you are looking inside someone else's life it's just so much easier to see the problem and point out the solution. When you are looking inside your life, there sometimes can be a pride blockade and you just have to live out the motions - YOU have to wake yourself up and say, "hey!! Smarten up, this isn't you! This isn't how you want to live your life!! Stop making excuses and start making it better!!"

Well, thank you 2010, you just helped me wake up... :)