Get Out Of My Way!!

Summer is OFFICIALLY over - in my books anyway.

sooooooooo, I was 15 minutes late for work today because my usual serene bus stop was packed with ass holes. Today is the first day back to classes on campus. Two buses just drove past because they were too full. The next four buses could only let on about 10 to eight people before telling the rest of us that we'd have to wait for the next bus because they too were overloaded with students - even though I was at the stop WAY before most of the dicks that were standing there with me. I try to be polite and stand in line, but not when everyone pushes and fights their way to the open doors of the bus. I had to call my work to let them know of this delay... but no one seemed impressed when I walked in the door just over 10minutes of my usual arrival time. The silence is gone and now is replaced with the hubbub of students and faculty. Even getting to my building and THEN to the elevator was a struggle... there were people every where!! When did I become such a human-loathing person??!! Like I know I despise malls on weekends and the subway at rush hour... but who doesn't? I like my personal space and there are very few who I feel comfortable invading it. Just get out of my damn way so I can go on my day... grah - what a way to start my morning....

Last night was nerd-night with the boys ("Bear", "the Mohr", "Jay", "Gill" and "Gordo" and "CrAZY Drew"). It was a good time, I'm beginning to feel a little more comfortable with role-playing - hahaha, I would normally never catch myself dead participating in something like this, but somehow with these guys its totally normal and way fun. Gill showed me a website for submitting illustrations for stuff like what we are doing after he saw my little doodles in my binder that I do to keep me entertained while its "not my turn" and to remember plot line (my attention span is not that long, sorry!). I think I'm going to do it. Gill has been pushing me to be more creative and to utilize my talents. I have been dying to get back into visual arts, but its not at matter of time, its not a matter of space, it really has to do with being inspired. I just don't feel that I am. I have dark looming clouds over my head and I'm currently trying to evade them so I can resume being "bubbly SLaw" instead of placating those emotions. But in any case, I brought my sketch book to work with me, might doodle during lunch and after work.... might make a venture to the Abby for a pint (Its Dr's birthday today, as well as my Frosh Boss from first year ("Todd")), so he will be hanging around. I want to wish him face to face, texts and facebook just really don't suffice for my close friends. I just hope it isn't going to be packed since its the official re-open date... I just want to enjoy the atmosphere in my own space.

The executive officer said she'd keep my contacts and class schedule on her desk so that if she ever needs extra help in the office they will call me right away instead of putting up another job posting. Its good to know that someone is looking out for my well being - that boost my ego a little bit - and I feel that I need it. I haven't heard back from TPM (the theatre job I applied for) about the position... but its only the beginning of the day. I really hope that I get the position... some steady income would be fabulous right now and it would expediate getting a place of my own. I can't stress any more how much I really need this to happen. I want to encourage growth in my life and right now all I feel is destruction. Not destruction to anyone or anything, but I feel this destructive force gurgling in my st0mach that makes me want to lash out and crush everything about me. That's not healthy... I'm worried for myself. I need to find salvation... but in the mean time, I'll just sit here patiently at the front desk answering questions as best I can and I'll roam the hallways while students bustle by me and I'll sit quietly at the Ab minding my own business and I'll go home and keep to my room - all patient and quiet - hoping that no one will get in my way and I accidentally kill them with my mean words and my evil eye stare.

I'm just happy that the phone has not rung once this morning....

SLaw