Cleansed

I had a shower...

...much better. Tried to talk with Drew - but chatting over the internet is never the same. I tried to commit to my promise to myself to not text, or message or call him at all today. I didn't work. Why can't I detach myself from him right now? That's a rhetorical question by the way. I'm supposed to be embracing this distance and I have not made the best of it yet.

I'm really frustrated where I am right now - I'm just complaining about everything. I know the more I point out things the worse its going to get. I'm just going to end up nic-picking over everything and become more miserable than I already am.

Like I was lamenting before - I want to get to the next plateau.... I have all these great ideas in my head for art pieces and can't even get started on them because of the house. I have tired to be creative in other places, but they aren't my own. I don't want to impose my creative process and mess on someone else's space. Keyel mentioned to me that he's seen me be artistic in his and Drew's apartment more in one week than I have been in the entire time he has known me at NHFL.... interesting observation. I'm craaaaving to be let free - but with being completely free comes not caring about responsibilities and their consequences... I'm not ready to face the consequences if I let go of my current responsibilities.... I have to let go a little bit at a time, I just wish the process would be faster...

I'm too damn impatient!!

Well, I have a lunch date with the Dr. He's expecting me. I have to pick up soup still.

I just got a call from the office. They want me to work tomorrow - I wish they would just face the facts that they can't function without me and hire me on full time!! Hahaha, but then again, do I want to get sucked in for life and have to deal with the bureaucratic BS everyday??? Hmmmm.... don't think so. Still have my fingers crossed for the job I got interviewed for... Will let you know as soon as I know.

Cheers,
SLaw