Keep your shit together, girl!!

I don't know where to begin. I feel bi-polar. One minute I'm enthusiastic about my life, that I'm enforcing positive change and becoming a responsible, independent individual. Then the next, I'm curled up in a ball crying my face off, desperate to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and counting all the awful things that are happening to me on my fingers. There is no happy medium - I can't find a middle ground. I feel like I can stand only at either end of the equilibrium. Its driving me insane... and I'm sure its the same for the people around me.

Up
and
down
and
up
and
down
and
up
and down.....

I feel hopeless and hopeful at the same time and its beginning to swirl into a complicated mess in my head. Its exhausting... I'm soon going to spiral out of control. I've got to keep my shit together!

I feel pathetic. I have fabricated a situation in my head that probably seems wosre than it actually is. I have trapped myself - I have avoided dealing with my problems head on. How did I think that running away from a situation would magically fix my woes? I have been wearing the same 6 articles of clothing for over a week now, which does not include a jacket and I had to ask Keyel to borrow a sweater for class today. I only have flip flops and high heels to keep my feet warm, I've borrowed a pair of socks from Drew but my feet keep slipping in my heels. My cell phone is broken leaving me disconnected from the world that is constantly begging my attention. I can't do my homework because I've left my books in my room that I refuse to visit without an entourage. Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I creating a bigger mess than is necessary. I know I'm the only one with answers - and I'm avoiding them.

I'm too hard on myself... or maybe I'm not hard enough. I need to push myself to do what is right. Its looking me in the face but I don't have the balls to stare it right in the eyes. That's so pathetic.

I miss this person:
<3SLaw