The abuse we love

I got a key for the office - how exciting!! That means I don't have to worry about getting stuck outside and then looking like I'm late... which I normally am, but I'm working on it! Also, its very apparent that I SUCK at doing front desk duties. I miss my desk in the back. I got to hear a lot of gossip, I could have snacks whenever I wanted to, I didn't have to wait for people to come back from lunch to go for a pee, I could have tea right now if I saw fit... Instead I'm stuck wondering who I'm supposed to transfer which phone calls to because I'm so out of the loop on all the changes, and what keys belong to which rooms I'm supposed to open for meetings, and how do I log into the email accounts and room bookings, and how do I sound professional enough to angry students... I feel like I'm on a learning curve all over again!! Most times the people who call know more about what I'm supposed to do than I do - ACK. This is awful... but I love it here. I really hope that everything works out for the school year, meaning despite my lack of credits from becoming a full time student I'll still be able to hold employment. I couldn't fathom having to be a bottom feeder again... after all my hard work and networking to get me this far as a student employee it would seem a shame.... Most other students I work with either their parents are full time staff on campus or close relatives who are professors have put in a good word. I just put my all into my opportunities... maybe this is a sign to move on and try something new.

*sigh*

Anyway, I did hear some hot gossip yesterday. One of my mentors from student leadership ("F-capp") has apparently QUIT! It just got too much... Something inside of me knew that it would eventually happen. There is so much bureaucracy on this campus that it delays EVERYONE and all their hard efforts. Its just plain annoying and frustrating, it eats y0ur soul, it consumes every part of your being without you even realizing that you have been compromised. I did realize... almost too late, getting kicked out of my honours program at University really grounded me - I wasn't as invincible as I thought. However, even after my presidential resignation I just dove back in, hoping that I'd still be able to make an impressionable mark, that I could enforce the positive change we all have been waiting for. It just got too much... There are too few resources and too few people who actually give a damn. But what else can you expect from a bloated community that pits one another against each other. At the party, numerous college peeps that I have come to hold near and dear to me asked me if the rumors were true. The rumors were in fact true - that I resigned from O-Chair - and to see the disappointment in their eyes made it hard to talk about, but I've tried to be as honest about it as possible. I was sick and tired of being knocked down and made to feel pathetic. I was sick and tired of being criticized for my methods in office. I was sick and tired of being questioned about my relationships with my peers. I was sick and tired of being forced to fit the shape of the "cookie-cutter" role model. I loved what I did, but not when it changed me into a monster - someone so far from the real me - it just became apparent to me that it was not worth it.... not worth the heartache and disappointment. I have always been willing to bend over backward for my college, but when has it demonstrated that it would reciprocate that feeling? And not to say that I got involved for the recognition or the benefits - there is a distinct difference between being shown gratitude and being taken advantage of. I full heartedly feel that I was taken advantage of. I was used as a tool to push someone else's motives.... but enough of this usual rant (my close friends have heard this speech all too much).

The phones are beginning to ring like mad - and I have no idea how to use all of these extensions...

Until I have another free moment ~ SLaw