It troubles me...

It troubles me when I post twice in a day...
It troubles me when I say one thing and then I want to reverse it...
It troubles me that you act this way and I want to smash your face in...
It troubles me that I'm drinking by myself as an act of protest against  you...
It troubles me that I've been feeling more and more isolated as the days go by...
It troubles me that I have an urge to spread my wings because I feel confided...
It troubles me that all I want to do is cry as hard as I can and yell even louder...
It troubles me that I'm not feeling the wine yet....

gah...
next week I'm making some plans with some people I haven't seen in almost a decade.  And seriously I can fucking wait.  Don't get me wrong, I love the people I hang out with day in and day out... but it's beginning to feel a little stale.  Not the hangouts, not the people, just for me... I feel like I'm stale. 

and...
then the very bitter part of me just wants to do it to make you jealous, to see me having so much fun... so that you'll want me to come spend time with you like all the times I've been dying to spend time with you.

Yeah, I'm kinda upset right now, well, more so frustrated.  And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it... which frustrates me even more.  I just need to suck it up and get over it.  Tonight's just not my night, what can I say....

...but still, it troubles me....